What Do I Say?

/ jenidriscoll

Yesterday a close friend of mine told me her brother committed suicide the day before. She’s devastated and heartbroken.

Horribly tragic. So very, very sad. There are no words for this. I can’t explain the pain and grief my friend must feel.

I can’t tell her I understand because I don’t. It’s hard for me to even imagine the emotions that must be running through her. Painful, raw emotions. I can’t tell her everything’s going to be okay, because I don’t know that. I can’t tell her everything happens for a reason, because we may never have an answer.

We were texting yesterday and that’s when I found out. I asked if she wanted me to call or visit her. She didn’t. She said she couldn’t hold it together enough to talk. I reassured her I’m here if she needs anything at all. I told her I’m praying for her and her family.

She’s on a plane today to bury her dear brother and be in the comfort of family.

When she returns, I’ll be there to listen and provide support in any way I can. But now, I feel helpless.

I don’t know what else to do.  What else to say.

grieving

Image courtest of: http://www.imortuary.com/blog/understanding-bereavement-leave/

63 thoughts on “What Do I Say?”

  3. Having had a little brother commit suicide, I can relate to the pain. There is nothing you can do to make it “better” – there simply is not “better”, because there is no changing it. The best course of action is to simply allow her to fall on the soft spot of comfort that you can provide.

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  7. It sounds like you are doing what you can. She knows you’re there and you told her you are praying for her. That’s really all you can do. And when she calls and needs you, you will be there. You can bring her meals, help with chores, etc.
    You are being a good friend ☺

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  8. I’m so sorry about this- my heart goes out to you and your friend. It’s always hard to know what to say, I’ve struggled with this myself. But I’m sure just your being there for your friend will be a big help.

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  10. I’m so sorry for your friend! I know that it can be so hard when you want to comfort someone in a situation like this, but usually we don’t really need to say anything. Hugs are priceless and just knowing that a friend is there for you will be more memorable than words. Hugs!

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  11. My brother also committed suicide. There were no words to make it better. Unfortunately there were some things people said that made it worse. Sometimes the best thing one can say is, “I know there is nothing I can say to make it better.” I would encourage you to be available to listen, to talk, to go out somewhere, or just sit quietly with her, whichever she may need to listen when she reaches out to you. You cannot fix it, and she will appreciate that you recognize that. I am sorry that she and her family are going through this. It is devastating. I will pray for them.

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  15. This sounds so difficult and your friend is lucky to have you. You don’t have to say much, what you said in this post is a great start…. we just can’t imagine what it’s like… when you’re together, I’m quite sure your sensitivity and thoughtfulness will know what to do and say to help the most

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    • Cat, thanks so much. No, I really can’t imagine what it’s like for my friend. I appreciate your supportive words. I’ll have to trust that I’ll know what to say, or not to say, and just listen. Thanks again. 💜

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  16. Hi Jenny, I’m really sorry to hear of your friends loss. I attempted suicide 3 years ago. Rushed to hospital, stomach pumped etc. Although I survived, it took my family a long time to get over, and to not worry about me every minute of the day. There really isn’t any words. Just what you said is perfect, being there for her. Love to you both. Hugs Paula xxx

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  17. Oh Dear God, I am so very very sorry to read your post Paula. I hope you have someone near to you just to hold you. There are no words. Take care. With virtual hugs and love. Marie Therese

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  19. You have offered her some comfort whether you know it or not. Just by texting her and letting her know you are there for her. Keep checking on her and praying for her. She will come around when she is able. In the meantime make sure you able to keep yourself in a healthy state of mind for when she needs you. {HUGZ}

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  21. Reblogged this on Jazzmelia and commented:
    Reblogged on Jazzmelia 🙂
    This is one of the things I haven’t talked about in my blog. Mainly because I focus on the person with suicide thoughts before the suicide? No. Because I am like everyone else when a suicide has happened, I don’t know what to say, I hoped thsi person caould fight even just a little longer.
    We all dream of saving a life, not losing one.

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  22. You have done everything you can by offering a friendly ear as/when she needs one. You may well have to take some initiative to stay in touch and even repeat that offer because she is likely to withdraw socially.

    From all the things that you recognize should not be said, I would say that you have a pretty good grasp on how to proceed from here so just stay available and be patient. All the best. She is lucky to have you as a friend. 🙂

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  23. Thanks so much for that! I appreciate what you said. I think I just need to be there to listen and offer support. And let her take the lead on what she wants to discuss. Thanks again for your comment!

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  24. Pingback: What Do I Say? | Living with Mental illness

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