Yesterday a close friend of mine told me her brother committed suicide the day before. She’s devastated and heartbroken.
Horribly tragic. So very, very sad. There are no words for this. I can’t explain the pain and grief my friend must feel.
I can’t tell her I understand because I don’t. It’s hard for me to even imagine the emotions that must be running through her. Painful, raw emotions. I can’t tell her everything’s going to be okay, because I don’t know that. I can’t tell her everything happens for a reason, because we may never have an answer.
We were texting yesterday and that’s when I found out. I asked if she wanted me to call or visit her. She didn’t. She said she couldn’t hold it together enough to talk. I reassured her I’m here if she needs anything at all. I told her I’m praying for her and her family.
She’s on a plane today to bury her dear brother and be in the comfort of family.
When she returns, I’ll be there to listen and provide support in any way I can. But now, I feel helpless.
I don’t know what else to do. What else to say.
Image courtest of: http://www.imortuary.com/blog/understanding-bereavement-leave/
Sorry you had such terrible news,but your doing everything you can for your friend, by being there to give support when she needs it, that’s the best thing just to know your not alone and someone cares.
Take care.
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Thank you. We have a tight, small group of friends, and I do take comfort in knowing that she knows we’re here for her and she’s not alone.
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Just listen, don’t even try and offer advice right now, let her grieve and just be there to listen.
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Thanks for that. Because I truly don’t know what to say. And don’t want to say the wrong thing. I will. Just listen.
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I only speak from experience, I didn’t handle learning of getting divorced very well.
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That would be so difficult, and definitely not easy to handle. Take care.
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Having had a little brother commit suicide, I can relate to the pain. There is nothing you can do to make it “better” – there simply is not “better”, because there is no changing it. The best course of action is to simply allow her to fall on the soft spot of comfort that you can provide.
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I’m so sorry about your brother. Thank you for sharing, and your comment. And I will do that. Simply be there for her.
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My brother’s passing was over 15 years ago, time has lessened the bite, but it is not something you can ever forget. You sound like a wonderful friend, so I’m sure you’ll be a good one for her.
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Thank you. I’m sure time eases the pain. But it changes your life forever. As you said, it’s something you’ll never forget.
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You’re doing what you can. But you should read this…I just read it before I saw this post so you must be meant to see it. http://johnpavlovitz.com/2015/08/20/of-tears-and-terrible-sounds-when-life-is-too-painful-for-words/
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Wow Leslie! That gives me chills at the timing of this. I just read it. Completely amazing to me that we posted these on the same day. I’m so grateful to you for finding it for me. That’s exactly how I feel. I’m going to print it out. You’re right… I was definitely meant to see it. Thanks again, I appreciate it you forwarding me the link.
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my pleasure. It was literally the post before yours in my Reader.
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Still amazing to me. I just followed his blog, so thanks again!
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That’s a really tough one. I’ve been around suicide and usually there comes a time the person finally wants to talk. Just be there for whatever when she is ready to come to you. She will let you know what she needs.
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Thanks for that. I agree. I figure I’ll follow her lead. She’ll talk when she’s ready and I’ll listen. Thanks for your comment, I appreciate it.
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Good luck 💜
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Thank you.
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So sorry to hear about this. I’ve had several people I know commit suicide. Not much more you can say or do. Her knowing that you are there for her, is great comfort.
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Thanks for your kind words. I appreciate that!
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It sounds like you are doing what you can. She knows you’re there and you told her you are praying for her. That’s really all you can do. And when she calls and needs you, you will be there. You can bring her meals, help with chores, etc.
You are being a good friend ☺
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Thanks so much Traci. I appreciate what you said so much.
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I’m so sorry about this- my heart goes out to you and your friend. It’s always hard to know what to say, I’ve struggled with this myself. But I’m sure just your being there for your friend will be a big help.
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I agree. Just being there is huge. And I know she knows I’m there, and also several other close friends she can count on. Thanks for your comment.
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I am so sorry! It’s never easy to know what to say but just being there is enough
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Thank you. I know you’re right 🙂
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It’s hard no matter what!
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I’m so sorry for your friend! I know that it can be so hard when you want to comfort someone in a situation like this, but usually we don’t really need to say anything. Hugs are priceless and just knowing that a friend is there for you will be more memorable than words. Hugs!
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You’re so right, Rebecca. Sometimes a hug is all you can do. But it means a lot. Thanks so much!
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My brother also committed suicide. There were no words to make it better. Unfortunately there were some things people said that made it worse. Sometimes the best thing one can say is, “I know there is nothing I can say to make it better.” I would encourage you to be available to listen, to talk, to go out somewhere, or just sit quietly with her, whichever she may need to listen when she reaches out to you. You cannot fix it, and she will appreciate that you recognize that. I am sorry that she and her family are going through this. It is devastating. I will pray for them.
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Thanks so much for your advice, I sincerely appreciate it. I will do that. Just be available to her, and let her lead the way as far as what and how much she wants to discuss. I truly wish I could make it better, but I know that I cannot. Thank you for your prayers.
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I meant to say in my previous comment to you that I am so very sorry to hear about your brother. Take care.
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So sorry for your friend.
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Thank you Andi.
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When the time comes, little things you do for her will confort her.
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Thanks, that’s very true.
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Oh dear. Well the people above have said it all. Best you can do is be there for her, there isn’t really anything you can say 😦
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Thank you Billy. That’s right, I think it’s more listening and just being there.
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This sounds so difficult and your friend is lucky to have you. You don’t have to say much, what you said in this post is a great start…. we just can’t imagine what it’s like… when you’re together, I’m quite sure your sensitivity and thoughtfulness will know what to do and say to help the most
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Cat, thanks so much. No, I really can’t imagine what it’s like for my friend. I appreciate your supportive words. I’ll have to trust that I’ll know what to say, or not to say, and just listen. Thanks again. 💜
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Hi Jenny, I’m really sorry to hear of your friends loss. I attempted suicide 3 years ago. Rushed to hospital, stomach pumped etc. Although I survived, it took my family a long time to get over, and to not worry about me every minute of the day. There really isn’t any words. Just what you said is perfect, being there for her. Love to you both. Hugs Paula xxx
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Oh Paula, I’m sorry to hear that, and so very glad you survived. Thank you for sharing, and for your advice. Like you said, there aren’t any words. Take care. xx
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You too. xxxx
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Oh Dear God, I am so very very sorry to read your post Paula. I hope you have someone near to you just to hold you. There are no words. Take care. With virtual hugs and love. Marie Therese
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That’s so comforting Marie Therese. xx
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Deeply tragic, I have a friend whose 23 year old son committed suicide. There just are no words for the kind of pain someone experiences after something this life altering happens. Sending healing thoughts your way. G-uno
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I’m so sorry about your friend’s son. That’s very true… It changes lives forever, and there are no words to heal the pain. Thank you for commenting.
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You have offered her some comfort whether you know it or not. Just by texting her and letting her know you are there for her. Keep checking on her and praying for her. She will come around when she is able. In the meantime make sure you able to keep yourself in a healthy state of mind for when she needs you. {HUGZ}
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Thanks so much for your nice words. I know she knows I’m here, as well as her other close friends. And when she’s ready… we’ll all be around to support and comfort her. Thanks for your comment, I appreciate it. xx
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You are welcome! Take care of yourself! You and your friend are in my prayers!
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That means a lot!
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why don’t you try out the vowels of support?
affirm
emotionally present
inquire
open minded
understand
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I’ve never heard this before, I love it! Will write it down and remember it. Thank you!
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Reblogged this on Jazzmelia and commented:
Reblogged on Jazzmelia 🙂
This is one of the things I haven’t talked about in my blog. Mainly because I focus on the person with suicide thoughts before the suicide? No. Because I am like everyone else when a suicide has happened, I don’t know what to say, I hoped thsi person caould fight even just a little longer.
We all dream of saving a life, not losing one.
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So true. It’s difficult, there are no words. Thank you for reblogging.
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You have done everything you can by offering a friendly ear as/when she needs one. You may well have to take some initiative to stay in touch and even repeat that offer because she is likely to withdraw socially.
From all the things that you recognize should not be said, I would say that you have a pretty good grasp on how to proceed from here so just stay available and be patient. All the best. She is lucky to have you as a friend. 🙂
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Thanks so much for that! I appreciate what you said. I think I just need to be there to listen and offer support. And let her take the lead on what she wants to discuss. Thanks again for your comment!
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Pingback: What Do I Say? | Living with Mental illness
Reblogged this on georgeforfun and commented:
Sometimes just knowing someone is there to listen makes all the difference in the world. No one has all the answers, but we do want to help in any small way we can to aid a hurting friend during this time of loss and mourning. We can just reach out in love and compassion and wait patiently.
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Thank you for the visit, and for reblogging. I appreciate that! I look forward to reading your blog.
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I’m a reblogger and sharer more than a writer, except the occasional old war story, joke or mishap along the way. Make yourself at home. Enjoy yourself and don’t be bashful, heck I’m not. 👀 ♥ * ͜ * ♥ 👀
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Well thank you, very nice to meet you! 😊
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😃🎆😃
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