Donuts and Division

I choose not to discuss politics on my blog. But I can’t let this go.

I was stunned by what happened after Mass yesterday.

My husband and I took our glazed donuts and coffee and sat near the fountain in the church courtyard. My mom saw us and came over.

A few minutes later one of my mom’s friends walked by and stopped to talk. The conversation took an immediate turn I didn’t expect.

Mom’s friend, looking right at Mom: “Before we start talking, I have to know. Did you vote for Trump?”

Mom: “No.”

Mom’s friend: “Good. Because I don’t want to associate with any hate mongers.”

WHAT? Did she really just say that?

My jaw dropped. I looked at my husband and took a deep breath. That woman had no idea who we voted for. And actually, it didn’t even matter. If I voted Democrat or Republican, it wouldn’t change my reaction to what she said.

I know how deeply our country is divided. But up until that moment, I hadn’t experienced the anger and bitterness firsthand.

I was so shocked by her spiteful words, I couldn’t concentrate. No matter what she said after that, I had no interest in getting to know her. She didn’t seem kind. She basically stated she didn’t want to speak with others, unless they’re of the same political affiliation as her.

And she just attended Mass.

Maybe she didn’t listen to the priest, as he called for peace and unity. She must not have heard him tell the congregation we need to practice tolerance and respect. And appreciate the diverse fabric of our nation, which is what makes life rich and beautiful. Did she miss his prayers for our nation to heal?

My husband and I didn’t say anything to Mom’s friend. We didn’t want to embarrass my mom or incite a confrontation. It wasn’t the time or place for that.

We all don’t have to agree. One of our most important rights as American citizens is freedom to voice our opinions. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t respect the views of others. What I’m certain of, is that hate is never appropriate.

I hope my mom’s friend will one day recognize that her thoughts and actions do not promote kindness, acceptance, or humility.

I pray that in time, the United States will not be as divided as it is today.

First image courtesy of here

Second image courtesy of here


71 thoughts on “Donuts and Division

  1. I never discuss politics…on WordPress or anywhere else. Voting is a private choice and if somebody asked me how I voted, I would simply say “it’s none of your business.”
    The people who abuse somebody for not supporting or voting for “their” choice, makes them no better than the people they are complaining about being chosen for office.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This really is disgusting. No matter who the president elect is, if the countrymen do not place their trust in him, the world’s most powerful country will fall like a sand castle. We should always respect political reservations of others, if we desire the same from them. More power to America!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I agree, it’s the “I don’t associate with (fill in blank)” attitude that’s one of our biggest problems. I read something that said the majority of Americans cocoon themselves with a small circle of ‘like-thinkers’. Which only makes us more convinced we’re right and everyone else is wrong. Dangerous thinking!

    Liked by 3 people

    • I’m sure you’re right about that. Hopefully we’ll see much less of it as time goes by and things settle down. This is the first election I can remember where many people don’t want to say who they voted for because of what people might think of them, or how they’ll be judged. It’s a strange feeling, strange phenomenon.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. There are a lot of people who are very angry out there. I’m one. We’re angry because of the danger we see Trump presenting to our daughters, our jobs, our husbands, and our pension. If you want to take a look closer though, we’re angry because people didn’t do their homework, didn’t stand up for a belief and certainly didn’t stand up for those unable to protect themselves.

    Many voters didn’t have someone to believe in. They’d rather take a tarnished person and heap more tarnish on them or a corrupt person and make them look like an angel. That is frustrating. My frustration comes from the refusal of candidates to interact with the populace. We have farmers, laborers, scientists, medical professionals, poor, rich, educated, life experienced and we don’t talk. We don’t talk about our children, our race, our LGBT children. We put labels on everything and stick it into one place. So, no one knows what to say. It saddens me. I understand the woman who said such a thing. She’s got a long way to go and don’t ignore her. She has things that need saying, and she needs a listener. You don’t have to agree with her, but you can model the behavior you wish to see in her behavior.

    I’ve taught. I was a damn good teacher. One thing I learned from my students is that without a commonality, the obstructions remain in the way of progress. Free speech is a right. I wouldn’t ever change that except for one tiny part, hate speech. I’ve watched as the civil discourse of a nation has become a rant and raving monster. Lies become fact because they are loud and nasty and given by bullies. Civil discourse needs to return and maybe you folks will be the ones to get that point across. We have to accord Mr. Trump the respect of the office. THat’s part of Civics 101. He’s got to maintain any respect he receives. I could even tell him how to do this. I won’t though.

    My family has been in the US since before it was the US. Try 1626. We have a long, very long and sometimes very exciting, stance of tolerance and development. I try to live up to that. I also know that my anger will moderate into something more appropriate, because anger doesn’t do much except shut down actions. I will stand up for those in our nation who have been marginalized. I’ll do it intelligently. I won’t always be kind. Kindness and ignoring aren’t necessarily honest behaviors. I know. Minnesota’s motto, unofficially, when I was growing up was be nice or be quiet. I live in Virginia now, and am so pleased to be here. It’s taken 36 years of change, since I arrived, but you would have loved our polling place. Smiles, waves, neighbors being good neighbors, people mentioning who needed a ride and could someone help. We acted like a neighborhood, with concern for the individual members, and we voted. We had a high turnout. The Home of Presidents has a lot of background to look at. We’ll be able to survive, as a neighborhood because we do speak to each other about worries, concerns and ways to help. Now if we could get all of our neighbors to realize that we need to start talking, not loudly or overly nice, but as people who want the best for all of us.

    Rant off, for now,

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks for your opinion. I know there’s a lot of anger in our country that runs deep. Voicing our views and being angry is fine, but like you said, hate is not welcome. You’re right, I would’ve loved your polling place. I wish our country could mirror your neighborhood!


  5. Such a refreshing post. I agree with you, the divided nature of this country is so distressing. And when I respond with spiritual words of Light, like Ghandi, MLK and similar, it only makes them angrier. Hold on to the LIGHT! We must be candles in this darkness.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I do my best to avoid talking about politics as well. What has dawned on me about this entire election process is the need for the Church to stand and call people back to beauty, back to God. Satan is using race, and politics to rip us apart as a people. And we are ignoring how he is using us.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I do not do politics typically on my blog either or on my FB posts. But I did have to respond to one of my friends on FB who was acting like the woman at your church. This was my response: It sounds like there is a lot of anger out there about the election. No matter how you voted treat each other kindly…..turn the other cheek. If anyone asks me I would tell them I voted for love… of the unborn, love for marriage as God purposed it, love for this country remaining true to the constitution. I voted out of love….not hate as the media is trying to spin it.
    Your post is excellent. I really think if we, as people, take the time to get to know one another and sit down together and actually listen we would be a lot better off. Many times there is not hate at the core, but fear. Fear makes people do many things. I choose love and to some my love gets interpreted as hate……but it is not. Just because I do not agree with another’s view does not mean I hate them….it just means I don’t agree with their view.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Years ago, I was told that underneath all obnoxious behavior, is fear. I believe that to be true in this situation. I feel that fear. Still, the absolutism of her statement was not helpful, nor was her confrontation as the instigator. I’m thankful to have agreed not to discuss politics on my blog as a condition of my blog being featured in the local paper. It’s been tempting, but not worth the stress.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That makes a lot of sense, that fear is the root cause of the behavior. I know people are apprehensive and afraid of what’s to come. I’m curious what you said… your blog is featured in your local paper? Do you mean a link to your blog, or your blog posts are published?

      Liked by 1 person

      • They have a section with a few local bloggers. It’s mainly links. Sometimes, on a Sunday, they pick one to publish with the link. It’s funny that I rarely read the paper and someone will tell me, “I saw your blog in the paper.” When they invited me to be one of their featured bloggers, one of the conditions was to stay away from politics. I’m okay with that, but it doesn’t stop me from the occasional political comment.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. I completely agree. It is so sad how people have reacted to the election. Did I mention scary? It shouldn’t matter who someone voted for, especially if you are family and or friends. I would’ve been embarrassed and upset too, and definitely wouldn’t have said anything to make things more awkward and upsetting for anyone. There are people within my family who voted differently and we still love each other and talk. To say that you can’t associate with hate mongers is cruel. Well, let me rephrase that- to label people because they don’t believe as you do and didn’t vote for who you voted for is wrong. Isn’t that prejudice and discriminating?
    Sorry that this happened. I hope things will be better for you and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. Yes, it’s difficult when others believe that everyone should feel as they do. We’re all entitled to different opinions, and shouldn’t need to have to justify them. I’m fortunate that in my family, even though we have varied political opinions, it hasn’t come in the way of our relationships.


  10. I have run into this exact same thing….so hard to believe that people who say the think they are living a good Christian life can say such things…so sad……I agree with not saying anything to her in front of you mother, but how sad that she didn’t see that she was the hate monger…kat

    Liked by 1 person

  11. What a sad world we live in today. And I have to say, though many may disagree with me, so many people who attend mass are hypocrites. They don’t practice and live out the word of God. I would have been stunned and shocked too Jenny. Maybe one day she’ll realise what she’s done but then again maybe not. Sad times.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. This is what I posted on November 9:

    You know what? I don’t care who you voted for. That, my friends, was yesterday.

    Today, the sun came up. And, with that, it’s a new day.

    Today, we can be kind. We can let a car merge into traffic. We can open a door for someone. We can help someone lift something. We can smile.

    Today, we can love someone. We can volunteer time to a cause. We can send a dollar to a charity. We can donate canned goods and toiletries to a shelter.

    Today, we can help each other. We can refer someone for a job. We can tutor a child. We can sit at work and team up on a particularly challenging problem, and find a solution together.

    Today, we can set aside what makes us different and what makes us angry, and embrace what makes us human.

    Today, we can begin true unity.

    One hug, one smile, one small act at a time.

    Bring light. Be awesome. Share joy.

    We got this, peeps. This is America. Let’s show ’em.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Thank you for sharing this. I’m so happy to have found others who feel like me. That all of this hate for the other side (no-matter what side you are on) is only be-getting hate. It seems to me that people have forgotten that this country was founded on the principles to disagree and believe different points of views. Difference is good. Now we just all need to learn how to disagree respectfully all the way around. Hugs to you and yours.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. This is so sad…it broke my heart reading this…especially at church where we are not suppose to judge others and where is the love???
    My heart goes out to your mom and your family…
    I have also had fingers pointed at me at the last church I attended more than a few times and it hurt my feelings and my parents (when mom was alive) the church had a guest speaker and I will just say he was very rude to me and my parents so we never went back and to this day have not attended church…with that said I feel like and this is just my opinion that as long as we are speaking the word of God and reading our bibles and praying in our own home then that is church to us…so that is what we have been doing since…everyday I read an everyday book called “Jesus is calling” and it is very uplifting it also gives where to find it in the bible…I also used to go to a website to read and look things up but now it’s not free can you believe they want to charge for full access to the bible and pictures ??? so if you know any good sites and study books please when you have the time share with me …If you don’t mind me asking…if so I do understand and no I will not be upset or mad lol
    Oh!! Oh!! …Big thank you for the follow …I so appreciate you…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Suzette, thank you for writing. I’m sorry you had such a bad church experience. I have that book too, Jesus Calling. It is uplifting! Sorry, I don’t know of any sites or study books. My pleasure about the follow, thank you so much for the follow as well! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hey gurl!!!…
        Thank you for responding and all…
        Aw it is ok about the church I still believe in the lord and it didn’t change the way I feel or believe in…just hurt me and my family but I know that we have other churches out here in the country but not to many but at this time I rather stay at home and read the book and learn what I can and a lot has to do with my health it is hard to get out and about so it works…God makes things possible …
        Yes!!!! I LOVE this book and she has more out to read so I am sure that I will be buying them when I get extra funds…
        I hope that you had a nice Thanksgiving …I think we may put of our tree this week or weekend…we have it up but not decorated lol…
        anyways my friend I hope that you stay in touch and all is well on your end…

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hey Jenny!!!…
        aw no problem at all…I am glad to hear about Thanksgiving ☻ Yes we had a good one as well thank you…
        Well we put ours up….That is where it stands lol we haven’t done the decorations but plan on it this weekend …this is so my favorite time of year I love Thanksgiving and Christmas…
        Keep in touch…

        Liked by 1 person

  15. Thank you for this post (I’m obviously still catching up on my blog reading!). I continue to be hit by posts I see on social media where people I love in many different ways are noting their desire to not be connected anymore with anyone who voted for Trump. This just astonishes me. I wonder if you can really turn away from someone you’ve adored and had a good relationship and label them off limits and a hater because they voted in a way you don’t like. What happened to discussion and agreeing to disagree? My husband and I are going to be hosting a student dinner for the university we attended. We agreed last night that we hope that people who think differently than we do are assigned to our home. Why? Because we welcome a difference of opinion at our home and discussion of that difference (not name calling or finger pointing). That’s how we grow… -Angie

    Liked by 1 person

    • I appreciate your comment, thanks so much. I agree with what you said. I think it’s really sad how divided people are, and especially where it’s ruined friendships and relationships. And yes, ‘agree to disagree’ would be a better way. That sounds like a great way to go about the student dinner you’re hosting. Have a wonderful time! Thanks again Angie.

      Liked by 1 person

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