No Words

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*Possible trigger warning*

My heart is heavy and I can’t get something out of my mind.

My daughter Talee called me on her lunch break today. “Mom, remember Jason Burns?” (not his real name)

“Hm. I can’t picture him.”

“Mom, you have to remember him. He’s a year younger than me. He has older twin sisters that are Mackenzie’s age. A couple years ago he tried to kill himself by jumping off a two-story building.”

It felt like my heart dropped. I remembered that, but I still couldn’t place him. His name sounded so familiar. He must be 21 years old.

Talee continued. “He shot himself yesterday. He died.”

Oh my God.

Talee told me Jason was at home when it happened. “His mom was downstairs and heard a gun shot. She ran upstairs and found him.”

After Talee hung up, I was numb. My husband and I were out checking on our business and I was going through the motions but my mind was on Jason and his family.

I kept thinking his last name sounded familiar. Why? I must know them. Think.

Then it hit me.

Jason and his twin sisters went through school with my daughters. The twins were in Mackenzie’s religion class in high school. I could picture them clearly.

And the mom. I knew her. Madelyn. I was in a book club with Madelyn (not her real name) for several years and always thought she was so nice. We lost touch throughout the years.

This hits so close to home.

I can’t imagine the pain Jason’s mother and the entire family is going through. This tragedy is going to change all of their lives. I’m terribly sad for Jason. His young life ended much too soon. I have no idea the depression, despair, and hopelessness that he must have been living with.

I’m praying for Jason, his mom, and family. I don’t know what else to do.

I have no words.

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44 thoughts on “No Words

  1. So very sad. My daughter’s high school had a student who went away to college this year and stepped in front of a train. It is frightening that we are not aware of the stresses, pressures, or mental illnesses these young people are dealing with. I can’t imagine what Jason’s family is dealing with, and I imagine this hits home for you too. My daughter had her physical yesterday and I brought up her anxiety. The doctor was so good. First she asked her why she didn’t want to go to therapy and she said she’s not stressed about anything (really)? Then the doctor said if she finds herself wanting to do something but the anxiety is stopping her then we need to look into it more. She said if you want to go to a party but you don’t bc you are too anxious or you want to try something but you don’t bc you are too anxious. So Maggie said ok and the doctor asked her if it was a deal that if that happens they will talk about therapy and/or medication. Maggie said ok. I was so happy that Maggie was open to this finally, even just a bit, and I loved how the doctor handled it. I feels like maybe we have a plan and that feels nice.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s really awesome. Maggie’s doctor sounds great! It’s got to feel good for you, as her mom, that the conversation has been opened, and that it was well-received by Maggie. It is a plan, and it’s a really good one. I love what the doctor asked her, without being pushy about it. This way, it didn’t turn your daughter off, and she’ll keep an open mind about it. Thanks for your kind words. I think about Jason’s family often, knowing they live about 5mins from us, and how I really can’t do anything for them. Except pray, which I do. That’s really sad about the kid who stepped in front of a train. Sometimes the deep sadness, depression, lack of self-worth, confusion, depths of despair, etc, go unnoticed or not addressed. Such a hard situation to deal with. Take care Traci! xx

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks Jenny. I was so glad I put it on her form and I loved the way the dr handled it. Maybe when she is struggling I can remind her of the deal they made. It does feel good to have some type of plan. Praying is good. Yes, it is quite easy to hide the despair. I did it with a doctor once 2 days after I attempted suicide and I couldn’t believe he said You seem fine. He was the on call shrink at the time. I wanted to go home so I pretended I was fine, but I had to stay because a previous dr had committed me. But he actually would have sent me home! Anyway, I hope you and your family are enjoying the summer! XO

        Liked by 1 person

      • Wow Traci, it’s almost unbelievable that doctor said you seemed fine. Seems like he didn’t ask the right questions or look at your case as deep as he definitely should have! And thanks, we’re having a nice, pretty calm summer. Which is all good! 🙂 Have a great weekend!

        Liked by 2 people

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