What Happened When I Saw My First Double Rainbow

It was September 18, 2021. My family and I were in Hawaii, on the gorgeous island of Maui (my happiest place ever!) As we walked along the beach, “liquid sunshine” as they call it in Hawaii, came down, blessing us with plops of rain to cool our sun-drenched skin.

The clouds began to clear just as my husband, two daughters, and I got back to our resort. We were near one of the pools when we heard excited chatter and saw people pointing. We looked up. And there it was—a vibrant rainbow with another lighter, but distinct, rainbow above it.

A double rainbow!

I’d seen dozens of rainbows on Maui before, but had never seen a double. It was truly magical.

I thought when I was finally lucky enough to see a double, I’d be filled with pure joy. But then… Why wasn’t I? It’s hard to describe, but it felt personal, like it held a special, yet ominous, meaning for me. Kind of like God was giving me a sign—a heads-up.

A little background: a few years ago, I wrote a manuscript for a children’s book, an upper-middle grade novel about a girl with anxiety and panic attacks who moves to Maui with her family. She’s super scared she won’t fit in at her new school. One day, she and her two new best friends see a perfect, vivid rainbow. One of the friends tells the girl, “Wait until you see a double rainbow! It’s even prettier! And it means something—that your life is changing, but everything will be okay.” That theme continues in the story.

So… After a few seconds of basking in the beauty of nature’s marvel, my heart sank. HOW is my life going to change? I don’t want anything to change, I’m safe and happy. I like how things are. My gut feeling was this wouldn’t be good.

I didn’t mention anything about it to my husband or daughters. I’m not superstitious, so I tried talking myself into thinking the double rainbow didn’t mean a thing. But my instinct kept telling me something wasn’t right. I just had no idea what it could be.

Three days later, my mom was walking on her front lawn when her legs collapsed underneath her. It wasn’t like she tripped and fell. She couldn’t move her legs. Paramedics came and she was taken to the hospital. After a multitude of tests, doctors weren’t sure what caused her to collapse.

I didn’t know all this right away. Mom had told my sisters and dad not to tell me, she didn’t want to ruin my vacation. She called me herself two days after she fell and gave me the news. I knew right then my life was most definitely changing. But where is the everything is going to be okay part? I didn’t see how any of this would be okay.

Our flight was to leave in two days and I dreaded going home. Of course I wanted to see my mom. But I knew—I just KNEW—there would be huge challenges ahead.

Only I couldn’t fathom how immense those struggles would be.

Soon after we got home, my mom was diagnosed with vascular dementia. Over the course of the next ten months, I watched as micro strokes deteriorated my lovely mom’s mind and body, bit by bit. It was terrifying. And heartbreaking. Tragically sad. Painful. And all those words you’d use to describe something you hoped you or a loved one would never, ever experience.

My beautiful mom passed away August 1, 2022.

I keep thinking of that double rainbow I saw last September. For me, it symbolizes the beginning of my mom’s journey (and our family’s journey) with dementia. Life-changing indeed.

I recently read something about double rainbows that gave me chills: the first rainbow represents the physical world, while the second rainbow represents the spirit. The two rainbows together symbolize Heaven and Earth, signifying a connection to those who have passed.

Life is changing, but everything will be okay.

Now that I’ve come out the other side of this tragedy, I’m starting to see how everything will be okay. I desperately miss my mom—nothing will ever change that. But when I think of her, I’m comforted, knowing how precious this life is that God gave me. I’m reminded to hold those I love even tighter, to treasure our time together, to notice the priceless moments, both big and small.

I wonder when I’ll see another double rainbow. If I do, I’ll soak in its beauty and try not to worry how my life might change. But I know that even if it does, everything will be okay.