More Glimmers Please

A month ago, I experienced the sparkliest “glimmer” I’ve ever felt. It was so extraordinary, I’m still thinking about it. I’ve had them before—tiny bursts of extreme joy and calmness—but this time was different.

Glimmers are fleeting moments of bliss that can happen while appreciating simple things. They give a rush of happiness, connection, gratitude, peace, and safety. Glimmers may happen while watching waves crash at the beach, seeing a rainbow, talking to an old friend, hearing a baby laugh, witnessing random acts of kindness, or savoring a cup of coffee.

In describing this sensation, the term “glimmer” was introduced by licensed clinical social worker Deb Dana in her book The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy. She says glimmers are small moments when our biology is in a place of connection or regulation which cues our nervous system to feel calm.

Medical experts agree glimmers can be good for mental health. They’re the opposite of triggers. While triggers cause a person to relive a past trauma, glimmers make a person feel cozy and safe.

For me, a tranquil—almost ethereal—sensation washes over me, relaxing my mind and body. It’s not like I have glimmers all the time. I’ve probably experienced less than a dozen. The best way I can explain how they feel is that time seems to freeze. It’s like I’m transported to an alternate universe for a flicker of a second. I get this all-over feeling that everything in this world is going to be okay. It’s warm and soothing, like God is embracing me, reminding me to enjoy my life and not to worry. 

 When I had the exceptional glimmer last month, I had been in my office paying bills, listening to my Spotify playlist. I stood to take a break and stretch out. One of my favorite songs started to play: “Sittin Pretty” by Florida Georgia Line.

That sunset straight up as it gets

Short shorts restin’ just right on your hips

The lyrics transported me to lazy summer days of long walks on the beach, my skin warm and golden from the bright California sun. Biting into sweet watermelon and peaches. Al fresco dinners with twinkle lights and lanterns glowing in our back yard. The night sky glittering with millions of stars.

For a brief moment, I felt like a kid waking up on a summer day with no plans, but super excited for what the day would hold. Zero worries or responsibilities. Simple, pure, exalted delight. I was on a highly elevated level of happiness. I hadn’t felt that in a really long time.

I started to sway to the rhythm of the music, but held back a bit. It felt strange, like I shouldn’t be so joyous. I thought of the heartbreak of the past couple of years when both of my parents were critically ill. They passed away within five months of each other. I thought of current problems; our family and friends with health issues, our business concerns, and everyday life stressors that weigh me down.

I literally shook my head and let all that sadness and worry float away so I could allow myself to melt into utopia.

We got all damn day to do it our way

Like an old tire swing in the shade

I danced like no one was watching (no one was). The song ended and the unbridled, sweet contentment vanished like steam from my coffee mug. Even though it was too short, I was grateful to experience that dreamy moment in time.

While still enjoying my “happiness high,” there was also something about it that bothered me. I tried to explain it to my husband.

“I can’t believe how much joy I felt. But it really makes me wonder how much grief and fear I’m holding in all the time. I don’t get why it was such a shock to feel so, so happy. I think of myself as a positive person. But am I?”

“Yes, you are,” he said. “It takes a long time to process grief and you might never fully let go of it all.”  

“I just didn’t think I could ever, ever feel that happy. When did I feel that way before? When I was eight?”

“Maybe you’d feel like that more if we moved to Hawaii.”

We both laughed.

All kidding aside, I wondered if there was a way to be less anxious and feel that sudden burst of positivity more often—even for a micro moment. I did some research which spurred me to think of some ideas to improve mental health and maybe (just maybe!) have more glimmers:

• Listen to music you love: turn it up, dance, sing, let your mind drift.
• Find joy in the ordinary: notice and appreciate the simplicity of life.
• Practice gratitude: take time to reflect on what you’re grateful for, no matter how big or small.
• Practice mindfulness: be fully present in the moment.
• Spend time with animals: pet or play with a furry friend.
• Surround yourself with positive people: they can have a profound impact on your mindset and mood.
• Be creative: write, draw, paint, journal, sew, knit, origami, make your own cards.
• Spend time in nature: walk, hike, swim, go to the beach.
• Practice deep breathing: inhale for four, hold for two, exhale for four.
• Close your eyes and think of your favorite place: use your five senses (see, hear, smell, feel, and taste) to practice imagery, pretending to be in the setting that brings you pleasure.

These tips won’t guarantee more glimmers, but they can help put me in the right frame of mind to at least have glimmers of hope. I think I’ll go listen to my Spotify playlist. First up: “Sittin Pretty.”   

            Pretty as a peach

            As a postcard picture of a West Coast beach

            So pretty if I had to bet

            This is pretty much as good as it gets