Connecting After Covid: Nine Ways to Ease Reentry Anxiety

A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I did something we haven’t done for more than a year. We drove to one of our favorite places, a harbor in Ventura, CA. The ocean is directly across the street, so we love to walk along the shore after spending time at the harbor.

First stop was a casual fish restaurant, Andria’s Seafood. We sat on the patio savoring every bite of fish and chips as it melted in our mouths. After a leisurely dinner, we took a stroll, basking in the activity and vitality of the area. Outdoor music at one of the restaurants helped set the vibrant, fun mood. People dined outside, laughing and chatting. The line for the ice cream shop was really long. We hadn’t seen it like that since two summers ago.

It was all so… wonderfully NORMAL. Even with masks on. I could see joy in peoples’ eyes, the genuine happiness of being out together. Enjoying life. Getting back to the things we love.

Me with those delicious fish and chips!

Like millions of others during the pandemic, I desperately missed being with people. Video chats are great and I was so thankful for the technology, but it’s just not the same as an in-person human connection. I’ve missed seeing smiles, giving and receiving great big hugs.

This past month I’ve been taking advantage of the loosened restrictions, enjoying coffee and dinner dates with friends and family. There’s nothing more important to me than connecting and nurturing those relationships. One lunch with a close friend was three hours long! I hadn’t seen her since Thanksgiving 2019.

But there’s a flip side to all of this.

I don’t like to admit this… but returning to life as it was pre-COVID-19 brings me anxiety. I wish I could say I was simply excited. I like to think of myself as a people-person, often up for going places, experiencing new adventures. In reality, I’m not super outgoing or adventurous. I’m more of a homebody, most comfortable in my own surroundings.

And what about meeting with friends and family I haven’t seen in more than a year? Will it feel like it used to be, pre-pandemic? Or will it be filled with tension and disagreements? With such extreme political division, racial strife and injustice in 2020, this is a huge worry. Even though we may be on different political spectrums, can we still get along? What about the issue of vaccination? Masks? Can we get together and agree to disagree? Will we be able to stay away from touchy subjects?

Talk about anxiety.

This past year, we’ve had to adhere to strict boundaries and have become somewhat conditioned not to go anywhere or gather in large crowds. To wear a mask, wash hands often, use lots of hand disinfectant. Keep socially distant. Quarantine. Birthday parties were replaced with drive-by celebrations. No usual holiday gatherings, dinners, or any type of social meetings. No travel. No hair appointments, routine doctor and dentist visits, book club wine nights, writer’s group, etc.

Even if I wanted to do these things, I couldn’t.

And sometimes–this brought a sense of relief. I wasn’t expected or obligated to participate in any of these activities. In a way, I felt freer with zero pressure to keep up a busy schedule. For me, that equals less stress.

I love being home with my husband and our pup Duke. Our daughters have been working remotely, so they’re able to stay with us for periods of time, which makes my heart so happy. We’ve taken advantage of the opportunity to be together, knowing this time was a mixed blessing and wouldn’t last forever.

My daughters have gotten used to working from home, managing their busy schedules with countless Zoom calls and virtual meetings. They’ve enjoyed not waking up super early for the hour-long, traffic-filled commute to their offices. Or getting all dressed up for the work day. How will they feel going back? Excited? Stressed out? And what about kids, parents, and teachers who have struggled to navigate online learning. How will it be to return to school full time in person? Exciting? Yes. But it can also be an anxious time, consumed with apprehension and worry.

While it was really hard adjusting to the boundaries and restrictions, removing them can cause stress. There’s actually a term for it:

Reentry Anxiety.

As someone recovered from panic disorder and living with generalized anxiety, I’m definitely feeling reentry anxiety. Is it strange that I’ll miss the simpler days?

Note: I’m having such conflicting thoughts right now, it’s hard to put into words. Guilt. How could I possibly miss life during the pandemic? It was truly awful. It felt surreal. Extremely scary, so very sad, uncertain, overwhelming, horrible. Please know I’m often thinking of the 580-thousand plus souls who lost their lives due to this terrifying disease. So many families have been affected.

I’ve been wondering how to ease into this new normal, post-pandemic life with the least amount of anxiety possible. Here are some ways:

1. Take it slow. Don’t book a full schedule. At first, limit social activities to once a week.
2. Set limits on the length of time of activity.
3. Set limits on what is comfortable in regards to the amount of people at the gathering, if it’s outside, if masks are required. For me, I’m not yet okay going to a concert or a crowded movie theater.
4. Make a list of things to do now that restrictions are lifted. For me, that’s travel locally, spend time with friends, make a hair appointment and doctor appointments I’ve put off for too long.
5. Don’t judge yourself. Be compassionate. There’s a whole range of emotions you can have, which is normal. You can be excited, scared, happy, guilty, stressed–all at the same time.
6. Accept that life may never be the same as it was before the pandemic. This could be a job, a relationship, your routine. Priorities may have switched.
7. Get out for fresh air. Exercise. I love to walk in the mountains near my home.
8. Practice deep breathing. Say a mantra while slowly inhaling and exhaling. “Life is good.” “This will pass.” “I am enough.”
9. Remind yourself that just because you CAN doesn’t mean you HAVE to.

Like everyone else, I never dreamed I’d ever experience living through a global pandemic. It was life-changing. Even though reentry to this new phase of post-lockdown can be filled with anxiety, it’s also an exciting and hopeful time.

I’m already looking forward to a huge family gathering for Thanksgiving.

Beauty Within

I saw this quote on a friend’s Instagram post and loved it. It feels amazing when someone we care for brings out the best in us.

That true happiness and pure contentment which brings us joy, radiates outward. The inside beauty shines through in acts of kindness, compassion, and love for each other.

When I know I don’t look so great, in fact, I’m a total mess — my hair frizzy and out of control, no makeup on, my face sweaty and grimy with dirt from working in the garden —  my husband, Alex, will say, “You’re still beautiful to me.”

I might roll my eyes and blurt out, “Oh, yeah, right!” But he always makes me smile. He makes me laugh. And I know that deep down, I am beautiful to him, no matter what.

When our oldest daughter, Mackenzie, was one year old, Alex and I took her to a department store photo studio to get her picture taken. She wore a white, ruffly dress. A small satin bow held wisps of her hair. I took off her patent leather shoes and let her go barefoot. She sat on a platform, covered with a white fur rug. Her chubby feet with little pink toes looked so cute. She was adorable.

But Mackenzie was not impressed. She would NOT smile.

The photographer tried everything. She made funny faces, talked in silly voices, squeaked toys. Nothing worked. Mackenzie was on the verge of tears.

That is, until Alex picked up her favorite stuffed toy, a small Big Bird.  He threw it in the air, saying “Whee!” and caught it. She smiled. He did it again and she giggled. He threw Big Bird high in the air one more time, and Mackenzie let out a hearty laugh. The photographer got some great shots.

Now, every time I glance at that framed photo in the hallway, I smile, as I remember that day and why our little girl had that joyous look on her face.

The love for her daddy started within and beamed outward, for everyone to see.

Second image courtesy of here

Third image courtesy of here

 

Just a Thought…

I recently saw this quote and it resonated so much with me. I strive to be that type of person, whose compassion and kindness brightens someone’s day.

It’s not just what we say but it’s how we act that makes a difference. It can be something as simple as a smile, holding the door open, or listening to someone’s frustration over how long the line is.

That warmth and goodness — those positive vibes — can leave someone feeling better than they did before they saw you. What an awesome quality to share!

When I come across people who are rude, coarse, or impolite, I think about how they leave people in their wake feeling bad. If you weren’t in a crummy mood before, you might well be, after your path crosses with a negative person.

Of course, we can’t be happy all the time. We’re human. We have a right to be annoyed, somber, disappointed, and upset. We can’t always be that bright light.

But for the most part, our genuine spirits shine through. Each of us has the ability to contribute to the goodness in the world.

Leave a positive and kind wake as you move through life — not a raging storm.

Image courtesy of here

We’re In This Together

Last week I attended a class presented by NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness.  The twelve-week course, called Family to Family, is designed to help family members of someone living with a mental health condition.

I’m taking the course because my daughter and I have experienced panic attacks. I volunteer with NAMI and want to gain a better understanding of the programs they offer.

There was a mix of parents, spouses, siblings, grandparents, and other family members in attendance. They’re desperate for help, desperate for answers. Their loved ones have different mental health issues. Bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, schizophrenia, and others.

One of the topics was how stigma affects us. Some shared how they’ve hidden their loved one’s problems and how they try to pretend the issues don’t exist. Because of the stigma attached to mental illness. Shame and embarrassment seem to affect us all.

As people spoke about their challenges, I noticed a common thread.

Their outward appearances didn’t hint to the deep turmoil in their lives. If I weren’t in that room with them, I’d never know they carried around so much pain.

I kept thinking how these men and women are in my community. If I met any one of them in the grocery store, out for a walk, or at a sporting event, I’d be oblivious to the suffering they endure.

However, I was just about to find out that I actually did know one of them.

As I looked around the room, one man looked familiar. But I couldn’t place where I’d seen him. During the break, he came up to me and introduced himself. Oh, of course, I know you. He’s a business acquaintance of mine and my husband’s. I’ve always thought of him as calm, happy, and easy-going. I’d never guess he’d been having severe challenges with a family member.

The thing is — we just never know. And all the more reason to be compassionate.

This meeting reinforced the fact that we’re not alone. Everyone has difficulties. And there’s comfort in knowing we’re in this together.

First image courtesy of here

Second image courtesy of here

 

 

Always Stay Humble and Kind

Yesterday I heard a beautiful song by Tim McGraw, called “Humble and Kind.” The lyrics are simple and heartfelt. The song reminded me of something, but I couldn’t pinpoint what it was.

Thirty seconds later, I remembered. I knew what it related to. And it was something I was very proud of.

A few days ago, Talee called me. She’s away at college, and I’m grateful she calls me often. This time was extra special.

“Mom, something really good happened today and I want to tell you!”

Talee went on to explain that she got to class early, and went into the bathroom. She was washing her hands and saw a girl she doesn’t know, but knows she’s in the same class. They said hi to each other.

The girl said to Talee, “That was so nice of you to say hi to the janitor.”

“Mom, I couldn’t believe what she said. I’ve never talked to her before. I was so surprised, and it made me feel so good! But I always say hi to the janitors. Always.”

“Talee, not everyone takes the time, even just to say hi. People are always in a rush and worrying about themselves. They’re in their own world. They don’t even think to talk to the janitor, the gardener, or the teacher passing by.”

A big smile spread on my face. “People want to be acknowledged. And it’s great that you do that. It’s appreciated more than you know.”

I told Talee she probably made an impact on her classmate, and now that girl might greet the next janitor she sees on campus.

“Or maybe she already does, and that’s why she noticed,” Talee said.

As a mother, I’m so proud of Talee’s small (yet big) gesture. Since my girls were very young, I’ve tried to be an example of living a life showing kindness and compassion. Sometimes it’s the little things that are the most important.

Stay humble. Stay kind.