The One Word That Calms Me

Lately I’ve been struggling with stress and high anxiety, so I’m trying different ways to quiet my worrying mind. My favorite technique is deep breathing, which seems to calm me right away.

I was wondering if there’s a way to make deep breathing even more effective for me. Turns out there is! It’s called cue-controlled relaxation. I read about it in an article at Psychology Today .

At first, I was skeptical. How is one word going to help me? But I’ve been practicing this for a week now, and I can honestly say I notice a difference. When I think of the word (mine is “ocean”), it reminds me to take a deep breath. A sense of calm washes over me.

Here’s how to practice cue-controlled relaxation:

1. Choose a word. Something that makes you feel at ease. Like “calm,” “relax,” or “peace.” The word I’ve chosen is “ocean.”
2. Choose a relaxation technique, such as deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. Since my favorite is deep breathing, I’ll explain it with that. Take a deep breath in for a count of five, hold for two, exhale for a count of five. Here’s what’s different — as you breathe out, say your cue word. I close my eyes and say “ocean” as I exhale. Feel everything relax… your muscles, jaw, neck, shoulders, hands. Let the tension go. This takes practice! Try it for three to five minutes, until you feel completely relaxed. Do this two to three times per day.
3. Shorten the time of practice. Gradually reduce, shortening the time by a minute. Eventually, just saying or thinking the word will help relax your mind and body.

To add to this technique, I also use imagery. When I exhale and say the word “ocean,” I think of my favorite, soul-soothing beach on Maui. I notice the warm, tropical air enveloping me like a blanket. I see the sparkling turquoise water and the islands of Lanai and Molokai in the distance. I feel the golden sand squish between my toes. I smell coconut suntan lotion and ocean air. It’s like I’m transported there, even for just a few seconds.

What’s your word?

Uncharted Territory

I know I’m in the company of millions when I say my life has been turned upside down. I’m uncertain, anxious, vulnerable, and scared.

Less than a week ago, I knew coronavirus was serious, affecting far too many people across the world. My niece, her husband, and their new baby are stationed in Italy, a country hit so hard by this disease.

But I was going about my life normally, hoping that COVID-19 would somehow just go away. I was excited about attending a wedding the next week, a family birthday party, and hopeful that my husband and I would still be able to take my mom on a Hawaiian vacation at the end of March.

Then last Wednesday, it got real. Everything changed.

It started that afternoon, when my co-presenter with NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) called to tell me our Ending the Silence presentations were cancelled. We were supposed to be at a local high school early the next morning to speak to close to 600 students about mental health and mental illness. But the school district was practicing strict rules on “social distancing,” a term I hadn’t heard much about until that day. A large presentation in the auditorium was not going to happen.

That night, President Trump spoke. And it hit me. COVID-19 is not going away any time soon. Our lives are about to change. Drastically.

And here we are.

Panicked. Terrified. Wondering when life will ever get back to normal. Or if it ever will.

I saw this photo on social media, taken on the 101 freeway in my city of Thousand Oaks, CA

Every day I remind myself that this is totally out of my control. I can’t change it. All I can do is try to stay healthy and positive, which at times is super challenging. Some days it feels like my stomach is tied in knots and I wake in the middle of the night, unable to fall back to sleep.

But I’ve decided to take charge as much as I can. For instance, with the extra time I have at home, I’m getting more organized and caught up on bills and paperwork. I have plans to declutter soon (which I’ve been meaning to do for years, but never have the time).

I’m exercising more, which is great for both my physical and mental health. I’ve been riding our stationary bike (which is downstairs and has been sitting empty for much too long), taking long walks in the mountains, and doing yoga at home with my husband (we love Yoga with Adriene).

I’m connecting more with friends and family via phone calls, texts, and small get-togethers. This past Saturday night, my husband and I went to a friend’s house for dinner. It was just the four of us, eating, catching up, laughing, and playing games. It felt amazing to slip away from reality for a few hours.

I go through moments when I think, “Okay, I got this.” To: “I hate this, I’m so worried about EVERYTHING.” Including my parents, who live near us. My mom is 84 and my dad is 91. They know, and I know, that they are most at risk for the virus.

But again, I have no control over this.

Day by day. Week by week. Month by month. We will get through this.

Take care, everyone! I truly hope you are well.

What I Didn’t Know When I Boarded a Plane to Maui

A few weeks ago, my husband and I went to Maui for a business/pleasure trip. I was super excited and when I sat in my seat on the plane, I reveled in the fact that I could read my book for five hours straight if I wanted to, with little interruption. Life had been over-the-top busy, and I was more than grateful for the break. We were (and still are) in the middle of a major business renovation, plus other challenges that have added to our stress levels.

During the flight, I daydreamed about how wonderful it’d feel once we landed. Whenever we go to Hawaii, I always relax the minute we step off the plane. I breathe in the tropical air and bask in the warm breeze. That’s all it takes. It’s like a magical, calming elixir.

I had no reason to believe that this time would be different.

After a brief layover, we landed and took the shuttle to the car rental office. We’d never seen the line that long before. There were hundreds of tired and frustrated people, anxious to get to their hotels. Including us. Almost three hours later, we finally drove away.

We didn’t let the annoying car experience ruin the rest of our evening. We stayed in to barbecue steaks and enjoy some wine on the lanai. Tiki torches flickered in the night sky and balmy air felt like a comforter on a cold night. I was so relaxed. At least I thought I was.

The next morning took me by surprise. Normally I feel totally calm when we arrive, and for sure, by the next day. My worries melt away with the warm Hawaiian sun.

But I was still wound up, worrying about things back home. I couldn’t stop feeling jittery and nervous. There I was on this incredibly beautiful island, so uptight and unable to clear my mind.

I had no idea I was holding in so much anxiety.

I thought about how terrible that was for my body. It felt like I had been desensitized to stress… it had become a part of my life and I let it fester.

I knew I needed to concentrate on my mental health, give it my full attention.

Breathe… slowly… inhale for seven seconds, exhale for seven. Leave the worries behind. Enjoy this beauty. Focus on what’s happening right here, right now. Nothing more.

So inviting!

It was hard to decompress. But I didn’t want to lose one more minute to nervousness. I desperately wanted it gone. Leave me alone, anxiety!

Courtesy of nami.org

Life goes at a much slower pace in Maui than in Los Angeles. First, there aren’t any freeways and not nearly as many people. But what I love most about Maui is “the island vibe” — hang loose, no worries. Everything will be okay. And more importantly, “the Aloha spirit” — living a life filled with love, compassion, kindness, and grace. And sharing that with others.

As I let myself indulge in the slower pace, I couldn’t help but feel better. Nothing compares to long walks on the beach with my husband, letting my feet sink into the soft golden sand, looking out at the turquoise-blue ocean. It sprinkled every day (liquid sunshine, as they call it in Hawaii), and the rainbows were spectacular. The colors were so bright and sharp, I’d swear there really were pots of gold at the end! We didn’t miss a sunset. It was like Mother Nature put on a fantastical show for us every single night.

Eventually I felt it — complete peace. And when I did, it was heavenly.

So happy 🙂

I made a promise to myself:

To not ever forget the delirious, delicious feeling of total calm. Of walking on the beach, sand in my toes, warm clear water splashing up on my legs. No worries. Just enjoying — no, better yet — treasuring each moment.

And when I feel stress creeping in, to practice deep breathing and use visual imagery to thwart off anxiety.

Now that we’ve been back home for a couple of weeks, I wish I could say I’m not stressed or anxious. That’s not true or realistic.

BUT… I can say I’m more mindful of how I feel, and am keeping my anxiety in check. I often remind myself to breathe in deep and exhale slowly, while imagining being right there, in my happy place.

One last walk on the beach

7 Ways to Live a More Joyful Life

Last week I watched a video that really resonated with me. It was on seven simple ways to achieve happiness, based on research from Harvard.

It got me thinking… I am a happy person. But to be more specific, I have joy in my life. Which doesn’t mean I’m happy all the time. I’m content because I have a life filled with joy, even when things aren’t going right.

I used to use the terms joy and happiness interchangeably. But these words have different meanings.

JOY: is more consistent and is cultivated internally. It comes when you make peace with who you are, why you are, and how you are.

HAPPINESS: tends to be externally triggered and is based on other people, things, places, thoughts, and events.

Buying a new pair of shoes or going to a trendy restaurant makes me happy. But it doesn’t give my life meaning.

I’m joyous because I’m content. This doesn’t mean my life is perfect. There are things I’m working on that I want to change or improve. But I strive to create rich, meaningful relationships. I have a loving family; an amazing, supportive husband, and two daughters I adore. I’m close with my parents, sisters, and other family members. I have a great group of friends. I work hard to maintain my well-being, both mentally and physically.

When I watched the video on ways to achieve happiness, it reminded me that even though this list is compiled of things I’m already aware of, I need to remember to  incorporate them into my daily routine:

• Meditate. Be still. Quiet your mind. Life gets so busy and we live in a chaotic world. It’s refreshing to slow down, even for just a little bit each day. I’ve tried meditating, and let’s say, I’m a work in progress. But even if I meditate and practice deep breathing for 10 minutes, it makes a difference. I feel rejuvenated and calm. I like using an app, like Headspace, to guide me through.

• Be kind. Spread joy through random acts of kindness. The smallest and simplest acts of kindness can mean the most. Smile, start a conversation, hold the door open. Kindness is something this world can never get enough of. And it makes the giver feel as good (or even better) than the receiver.
• Buy experiences rather than things. Spend time with family and friends. Face-to-face interaction. Maybe it’s going out to eat, walking on the beach, doing a puzzle, talking for hours, or munching on popcorn and binge-watching a new show. It’s about creating special moments, talking and laughing together. It’s the time, not the material things.
• Make your surroundings positive. Surround yourself with beauty. Bring flowers into the house or put a bowl of fresh fruit on the kitchen table. The glow of candles make the house feel warm and homey. I often have a candle burning when I cook and on the table every night. A flickering candle makes every meal feel special. Decluttering is a big priority for me. It helps me to feel organized and so much better when things are in their place. Transform a room into your sanctuary, a lovely place to spend time in.

• Find something to look forward to. The expectation of something wonderful about to happen, is amazing. I think of hope. Having hope is what helps keep us going. It can be anticipating an upcoming vacation, or something as simple as looking forward to going home after a long day; eating a favorite meal or treat; making time to garden, paint, or write; spending time with friends.
• Physical activity. This is beneficial, both physically and mentally. After I work out, I feel energized and proud for doing something good for my body. Plus, it helps lower my stress and anxiety levels. Exercise raises those feel-good endorphins, leaving us with a feeling known as a “runner’s high.” Any type of physical movement counts… yoga, running, walking, biking, dancing, splashing in the pool with your kids, gardening, or going on a nature hike.
• Do what you’re best at. Find something you love and do it as often as possible. This gives us joy and confidence. While it’s important to reach out of our comfort zones to learn and grow, it’s also important to spend time in our comfort zones.

Live mindfully, with the intention of filling it not only with happiness, but also with joy.

I think it’s nice to have both.

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What Happened When I Let Go

Sometimes I forget.

I forget to be mindful, relax and enjoy life, and remember that everything will be fine.

My husband Alex and I have been making some big business and financial decisions lately, and I admit, it’s stressful. It’s a roller coaster — I go from being calm and excited one minute, to anxious and worried the next.

I prefer life to be simple and unchanged. Alex is more of a risk taker (although a very careful and logical one), and he enjoys change. I fully trust him and know I need to step out of my comfort zone more often.

I’m confident it’ll all work out. Change is good and inevitable. There’s a time to remain stagnant and a time to move forward.

Okay, I know all that, but still… I’m nervous.

This past weekend, Alex and I decided to go out for the day in a convertible. We wanted to have a Sunday Fun-day, like we didn’t have a care in the world.

At first I was all uptight about too much sun and wind. I pulled my hair back in a bun, put on my favorite baseball cap, rubbed sun screen all over my face, and put sunglasses on.

Alex backed out of the driveway, turned on the music, and off we went. We headed down a twisty mountain and it felt wonderful to be so close to nature while driving. I’m not used to being in a convertible. Normally our windows are up and it’s like being in a metal box, closed from the outside.

The sides of the mountain were almost near enough to reach out and touch. I noticed how lush and green the hills were from the recent rains. Mustard weed and flowers dotted the landscape with bright color. Two rabbits hopped in the wild grass and I hoped they’d be safe from coyotes.

As we drove past agriculture fields, Alex asked if I could smell the cilantro and onions. I breathed in deep and sniffed in the familiar scents. But something else happened too. I relaxed. It felt like the anxiety and stress were melting away.

I felt free. Or at least, free-er.

That feeling continued when we arrived at the restaurant for lunch. We laughed and chatted and savored a delicious fish meal. It was like we were on vacation. I wanted to bottle that feeling and keep it with me forever.

After walking around town, browsing shops, and licking every drop of an ice cream cone, we knew it was time to head home. I scooped my hair back and plopped the hat on top of my head.

We were half way home when I realized something. Here we are, in a convertible on a gorgeous spring day, blessed to be having a great time together, and I’m not taking full advantage of it. Loosen up, Jenny.

That’s when I yanked off my baseball cap and hair tie and let my hair fly. The wind whipped my hair and I didn’t care one bit if it got messy and tangled. Alex looked at me and smiled, then took off his hat.

I closed my eyes and let the wind take over. I laughed because it was hard to see with hair blowing in my face. The warm sun beat down and getting a sunburn never crossed my mind. I felt totally and completely carefree.

I let go.

I captured the moment in my mind, knowing I’d want to relive it again and again. I wished Alex would drive 100 more miles so that feeling could last longer.

We were back in our driveway much too soon.Second image courtesy of here

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Cyber Stress

Feeling anxious at this time of year is nothing new for me. I start getting nervous by the end of November. Every holiday season, I promise myself I’ll make it simpler. For the most part, I have. We’ve cut back on our gift list and social obligations. But still… I want to help make Christmas extra-special for my family and friends.

Part of doing that is finding just the right presents. It makes me feel good to give, it brings me joy. The problem is there’s added pressure, not to mention time and money.

This is the first year I’ve done the bulk of my shopping online. I’m happy to avoid the crowded malls and packed parking lots. But I wouldn’t say buying items online is completely stress-free.

Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday, Giving Tuesday. Lots and lots of online deals. My email account has been flooded, absolutely inundated with ads.

The sales have an urgency to them. “Final hours,” “Last day,” “Only through midnight.” I rush to buy so they don’t sell out, I don’t want to miss the deal of the year. The next morning I check my emails, and it turns out the extra 20% off and free shipping has been extended another day or two.

But many of the deals don’t last more than a few hours. Items sell out and frustration sets in. My husband and I experienced that last week.

We both need new phones, he wants an iPhone 8 and I want the 8 Plus. Several of the big box stores offered great deals on Black Friday. But… you had to get there early.

And we didn’t. FOMO (fear of missing out) became real. It’s a bad feeling to know that hundreds of others were successful, and we weren’t.

No worries, we moved on, hoping for another opportunity on Cyber Monday. We got another chance on a different deal. We spent almost two hours on the phone with AT&T. It was sorted out, our new phones would be shipped in a few days.  All was merry and bright, right? Wrong.

The next day we called AT&T again to check our order. After another 45 minutes on the phone, we found out the plan wasn’t good for us, it wasn’t going to work out. We hung up, feeling like we wasted a lot of time.

But it happens. That’s life. Disappointments come our way. It’s how we react that matters. It’s not even December yet. I decided I need to find ways to maintain a low stress level, in order to enjoy this beautiful season.

Take a deep breath. Go for a walk in the mountains. It’ll be okay. 

Honestly, it’s not about finding the perfect gifts. It’s about enjoying time with family and friends.

What’s important to me is relaxing with my family by the fireplace, decorating the house and Christmas tree. Baking cookies. Sitting in a coffee shop with my husband and daughters, enjoying  peppermint mochas and conversation. Driving around looking at Christmas lights, singing carols. Volunteering with an organization to help make someone else’s Christmas special. Donating a gift to church for a family in need.

I’ve got things in the right perspective.

But now it’s time to search online for the glittery liquid eye shadow my 22-year-old daughter Talee wants. I talked to her on the phone last night and told her it’s sold out everywhere. Her response? “I believe in you, Mom. You’ll find it. That’s the magic of Christmas.”

All I could do was smile and laugh.

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Gain Control

I’ve been thinking about panic attacks lately — not because I’m having them. But because both of my daughters have been dealing with anxiety, so it’s been on my mind.

Mackenzie and Talee are in their twenties. Along with inheriting imbalanced serotonin (from me), they also have the millennial stressors of working, living on their own, and being financially independent.

Talee called me the other night and we got into a conversation about possible triggers for panic and what to do when we feel it coming on. I hadn’t thought about this for awhile, and it felt good to revisit it. To be mindful of what might cause my anxiety, and actions I can take to stop it.

It’s amazing to feel empowered. To know that I’m in control of my panic, instead of it controlling me.

I used to have panic attacks every time I went to the grocery store, the mall, and when I drove. Here’s a list of some triggers that Talee and I talked about:

• Bright fluorescent lights, like in offices or grocery stores
• Big box stores that don’t have windows or an easy exit
• Being hungry; can cause lightheadedness and dizziness, which can make you feel like you’re having a panic attack
• Driving in traffic, especially stuck in the middle lane
• Shopping at an inside mall
• Working out in a crowded gym
• Waiting in a long line or being in the middle of a long drive-thru line
• Drinking coffee or soda; caffeine can make you jittery and anxious
• Sitting in the middle of a movie theater, in the middle of a row
• Getting a shot or seeing blood
• Seeing or hearing someone throw up
• Major life changes: a new school, graduation, a new job, moving into your first apartment, getting married, having a baby, getting a divorce, illness, an ill family member, and financial struggles

Talee and I discussed what to do if we feel panicky. We find it’s best to distract ourselves, instead of focusing on the panic attack. Here are some of our distraction ideas:

• Concentrate on your breathing; slow inhales, slow exhales. Breathe deep, not shallow
• Chew gum
• Talk to someone
• Be mindful of the present; look at your surroundings and remind yourself that you’re safe
• Focus on an object and notice every detail about it
• Sing
• Say the alphabet or count to 100
• Look at your phone; see what your friends are up to on Instagram and Snapchat, check emails and texts
• Wear a rubber-band around your wrist and snap it to bring yourself to the present
• Twirl a ring or bracelet
• Keep a small object in your purse, like a tiny stuffed animal or squish ball, to touch and squeeze
• Go outside

It’s hard to think rationally or logically during a panic attack. Actually, it’s impossible. That’s why it’s important to feel prepared, and accept and acknowledge our panic. We feel more in control because we’re aware of what may trigger our anxiety. We’re empowered because if we do have a panic attack, we know what works best to stop it.

Knowledge is key. Knowledge is power.

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10 Mantras to Reduce Stress and Anxiety

I’ve had “white coat syndrome” since my early 20s. My blood pressure tends to surge at the doctor’s office. I don’t think I feel nervous. But deep inside, I must be. I can’t figure out why. My doctors and nurses are all very kind and easy to talk to.

I get frustrated because I can’t control my blood pressure in a medical setting. This is a concern, especially  because I have hypertension and take medication for it. And it’s well controlled — at least at home.

When I have a doctor appointment, I do my best to relax on the way there. I take deep breaths, listen to music, and tell myself I’ll be fine and not to think about it. But that makes me more nervous and I can literally feel my numbers rising.

What am I so afraid of? My doctor has never gotten angry because it’s too high. He might look concerned, and we discuss how my numbers are at home. He takes it again at the end of the appointment, and it’s always in the normal range.

I’ve thought of different ways to help calm myself when I’m sitting in the waiting room. These techniques also help control my panic attacks.

The first tip is to use deep breathing and imagery. I imagine myself at the beach. I think about how it feels when grains of sand slide through my fingers. I smell suntan lotion,  taste the salty water, see shades of blues and greens in the ocean, and hear waves crash on the shore.

The second idea is to repeat mantras while I’m deep breathing. I like mantras because they’re short and simple, and encourage me to be positive and mindful.

It feels like I’m breathing in calm and breathing out nervousness.

Here’s what I do. I take a deep breath in and at the same time, say (in my head) the first part of a mantra. Then I exhale slowly and say the second half.

Like this: take a deep breath and think, “Life is”… slowly exhale and think…”good.”

I see my doctor in a couple of months. Until then, I’m going to practice my breathing and mantra exercises.

I’ve recovered from panic disorder. I’m hopeful that one day I can say I no longer have “white coat syndrome.”

Not to worry. I got this.

 

Trending Now… Millennials and Mental Health

“Mom, you wouldn’t believe how many people my age talk about mental health,” my oldest daughter, Mackenzie said. “It’s not a taboo subject anymore. I know a lot of people at work and friends outside of work who see therapists or take medication for anxiety and depression.”

Really? I couldn’t hide my smile. Not that I want them to be dealing with mental illness. But I’m glad they’re not afraid to bring up the subject.

My experience growing up was completely the opposite. I felt alone. My panic attacks  began when I was ten. I kept it a secret. I didn’t want to be thought of as strange or different. I didn’t reach out for medical help until my early 30s.

Mackenzie is 24 years old. She graduated college three years ago and started working at a great company. She loves her job, and is happy living on her own and being financially independent. But she’s struggled the past couple of years with stress and anxiety.

Mental health conditions run in our family. I’ve recovered from panic disorder and agoraphobia. My youngest daughter Talee had panic attacks when she was young and is now panic free. My mom has dealt with severe depression. Doctors say our imbalanced serotonin is hereditary.

Mackenzie was aware of this, and spoke with her doctor about treatment options. She decided to try an antidepressant.

It’s been several months now. The medication has helped her immensely, with little to no side effects. She often says, “I’m so much happier!”

Music to my ears.

Mackenzie knows she’s not alone in trying to manage her anxiety. Many of her peers are stressed too. She says there’s an actual name for it. Quarter-life crisis.

I laughed a little. “You mean like a mid-life crisis, but a quarter-life crisis?”

“Yeah. You can look it up. It’s really a thing.”

Mackenzie’s anxiety may be caused by a chemical imbalance. But coping with generational stressors most likely contributes to it. I asked her why Millennials are so anxious.

“A lot of reasons. Everything is so fast-paced and competitive. Part of it is social media. The sense of immediacy, everything has to happen right away, at the click of a button. There’s pressure to constantly be ‘on.’ To look and sound perfect, and act like you have it all together. But you don’t.”

“What else?”

“A lot of it stems from when we graduated. We worked hard to get a college degree and now we’re in jobs that we’re not sure about. I love mine, but some of my friends are saying, ‘Is this what I really want out of life? Should I be doing something else?'”

She continued, “Then there’s personal relationships. There are dating websites and apps and pressure to find someone. The clock is ticking. But a lot of us aren’t ready to settle down yet.”

Some of these concerns go way back. But past generations didn’t have to navigate the constant deluge of the internet and social media. It can make life better but can also complicate it.

I can’t begin to solve the dilemmas facing Millennials. I’m just glad they’re talking more about mental health.

And that my daughter is happy.

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In Need of Motivation

Two weeks ago, my husband and I went to the gym. It was momentous because we hadn’t been since early March, before my surgery. See my post about recuperating here. It felt really good to go, even though I’m definitely out of shape. I rode the bike for about 25 minutes, did stretching and abdomen exercises, and that was it. I was tired and energized at the same time.

I told Alex, “I’m so glad we went. We’re back at it, yay for us!”

We haven’t been back since. Uh oh.

I walk every day, so it’s not like I’m not doing any exercise. It just isn’t enough, I know that. Here’s one excuse: our dog is getting older and can’t walk nearly what he did before. So I take him around the block, which is plenty for him. Not for me. I often tell myself I’ll go home and ride the stationary bike. But I get busy with other things and don’t do it. No excuses, the bike is in our house, right downstairs!

I don’t need to lose weight (well, it’d be nice to lose five pounds). But I do need to tone my muscles and more important than that, I want to feel better and stronger. When I work out, I tend to eat healthier. Exercise is good for my mental health, not just my physical health.

Okay, so I know what I need to do. Get off my computer chair and get on the bike. Or take a longer walk. Or go to the gym.

Every day I have good intentions of doing those things, but the day slips by and before I know it, I’m making dinner. By then I have zero desire to exercise. Last night we were eating fajitas and I was complaining about not going to the gym. Alex said, “Let’s go after dinner.” What? No! That was the last thing I wanted to do.

I need to get out of this rut. Which makes me wonder how I can get motivated. I wonder what motivates other people.

I always think of the Nike ad, “Just Do It.” That’s exactly the advice I need to follow. I’m starting to talk myself into it.

Maybe this afternoon…

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