Digging Deep to Find My Why

I’ve been hearing a lot about “finding your why“—on podcasts, in articles, on social media—and I can’t stop thinking about it. The term isn’t new to me, but before now, I’ve never stopped to really reflect on it. Maybe I’m obsessing about it because I’m at a crossroads and feel overwhelmed… even sometimes a bit lost.

In the past twelve months, there have been huge changes in my life. My mom and dad both dealt with serious illnesses, and they passed away five months apart from each other. They were an incredible part of my life and it’s surreal they’re not here anymore.

Another substantial turning point for my husband and me involves major business decisions, including upcoming retirement. Life is (and has been) changing—big time.

All of this leaves me wondering what the rest of my life is going to look like. When we retire, my husband and I want to travel and renovate our house. But on a deeper, more personal level, what do I want for ME? What do I want to accomplish?

Back to the question: What is my why? (shouldn’t I already know this?)

Sounds like this requires some heavy soul-searching. I’ve been confused where to even start.

I went online and did a little research. Your why is your purpose. Why is it important to know your why? Because it helps clarify what you truly want out of life and what you need to do to get there. Your why can be thought of as your North Star, guiding you to make decisions.

When trying to pinpoint your purpose, here are some things to think about:

What are your values? Your strengths? Your passions? Your motivations?

I value my family, friendships, health, and travel. As for the next three—my strengths, passions, and motivations—here’s part of my list: Writing, particularly about mental health. Speaking about mental health, especially to youth. Gardening. My tomatoes are sprouting and the new roses I just planted are gorgeous! My happy place is the beach. I strive to live a simple life, filled with joy and peace, trying my best to keep stress and anxiety at low levels.

As I continued my research, I came across something that totally clicked. It’s an article (courtesy of circlein.com) showing ways to structure your why statement:

To (insert contribution) so that (insert impact). An example: To leave a positive influence on people’s lives so that they can realize their true potential.

Here’s mine: To show kindness, compassion, and empathy so that people affected by mental health conditions won’t feel alone.

I feel good about my why statement. But this is only one portion of my life. What about the rest of the things that are important to me? I called my sister Terri, who’s a health coach.

“There’s no limit to your whys,” Terri said. “You can have as many as you want. Some people have one business and one personal, but others have more than that. There’s no rule about this… they’re YOUR whys.”

Terri explained a health coaching technique she uses that shed light on the process of finding my why and how it relates to my goals. Here’s how it works:

She asks clients what they want to achieve. Say someone mentions losing weight.

Terri will ask why do they want to lose weight? So I’ll be thinner.

Why do you want to be thinner? So my blood pressure and diabetes get under control.

Why do you want your blood pressure and diabetes under control? So I’m healthy.

Why do you want to be healthy? So I can travel with my family and be here to play with and get to know my grandchildren.

AHA! There it is. The crux of this whole exercise.

Ask yourself why, why, why to get to your REAL why. The point is it’s often the deeper meaning that gives you the desire and energy to continue and reach your goals.

Finding my why is overwhelming! But at least I’ve got a good start.

Why do I want to find my why? To know my purpose in life.

Why do I want to know my purpose? So I can use the talents God gave me to leave a positive impact on the world. Also, to be sure I accomplish all I want in life.

Why do I want to be sure to accomplish all the things I want in life? Because of something my mom told me when she was first diagnosed with dementia. “Make sure you do the things you want to do because one day you won’t be able to.”